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Archive for August, 2010

Drinking and My Billy

August 25th, 2010

Drug Addiction Stories   Drinking and My BillyIn one week, my son turns twelve.  I had him when I was 19.  I gave him life.  I also gave him fetal alcohol syndrome.  I didn’t even know what that was.  I had seen other girls and women drinking from time to time when they were pregnant.  They smoked just as much when expecting as they did when they weren’t so I didn’t think it was a big deal.

Till Billy was born. He was so small, I nearly lost him.  My ex-boyfriend took off when he heard I was pregnant and I did a little too much drinking to deal with the pain.  When Billy started school, he had problems with understanding and learning. 

Today, Billy is sort of an outcast.  He argues a lot with other kids and from everything I have researched, I am worried.  His counselor said he could be prone to acting out and even end up in trouble.  However, he also said that since Billy has been coming to for the past year, that he sees a difference in him and in me. 

Sometimes I used to get aggravated with Billy and then I remembered that I caused this.  How am I going to feel if he does some day get into trouble?  I try to keep him busy.  I keep him in church.  I have given him chores and responsibilities to do around the apartment.  I spend time with him and I am actively involved with his soccer team. 

He is going to be twelve next week but in some ways he’s so much younger while in others he is just so different.  But he has taught me one thing for sure: I LOVE HIM.  He is my son and I adore him and I am going to work hard every day to make sure that he does not become another statistic in the fetal alcohol syndrome books. 

I did this to him.  Therefore, I’m not going to let him down again.  I pray for forgiveness every day and I am even involved with a counseling group that tells our story as part of their way of helping others and educating teens on drinking and drugs and what they can do not only to the users themselves, but their unborn children. 

Next week, Billy turns twelve.  I’m proud of him and working hard to make sure he gets through life without any more fallout from my mistake of drinking while pregnant.  If you are reading this and you are pregnant, I am begging you, please, PLEASE, don’t drink.  It really will hurt your unborn child.

It’s Not Too Late

August 23rd, 2010

Drug Addiction Stories   Its Not Too LateI’m writing this as a person who knows what an addiction to drugs can do first-hand, both from the view of a family member and then someone who got involved with drugs myself.  My parents were drug addicts, both of them.  It was not hard for my older sister and I to get into drugs when we were around them 24/7.  Neither of my parents could keep a job.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out they were dealing as well as using.

When CPS came and took us away, we were sent to live with our grandmother.  She constantly put us down, saying we were losers just like our parents.  My older sister took off the day after her 17th birthday.  I was 14 and had no one left to turn to.  So I turned to drugs. 

The other kids at my new school did not seem to care about getting to know me.  It did not take long after my sister took off for me to get in with the outcasts, the kids who sat on the sidelines in gym, who sat on one side of the cafeteria, who did not go to the games or get involved with extra-curricular activities. 

I would get high and drink until I was numb, but some nights, I still cried myself to sleep, missing my parents, my sister and wondering why my grandmother hated me so much.  Then one day, I got up late.  She had not gotten me up for school in her usual loud way.  I went to see where she was and found my grandmother had died in her sleep.  I found out after the paramedics came that it had been a heart attack.

I cringed that day.  I had just turned 15 and knew I would go into the system as a foster child.  But as I sat in the apartment with the social worker, I heard my name called after the front door opened.  It was my sister!  She was 18 and working, had gotten herself off drugs with the help of a co-worker, gotten into church and was begging the CPS worker to let her move in to the apartment and take care of me.  She had her pastor and several church friends with her. 

I am now 22 and about to graduate from college.  My sister has been my rock and my shelter.  Together, she and I volunteer to help other kids who find themselves in turmoil thanks to drugs and alcohol and family problems.  They seem to listen to us because they know we have been there. 

If you find yourself in my position, don’t wait until a family tragedy befalls you.  Get help now.  Call a hotline, call a pastor, call a youth counselor.  People really do want to help and guess what?  I know you don’t believe you are worth it because I felt that way. But you really are.   Make the call.  It’s not too late.