I have daily contact with my son and my family. I would recommend this program to any drug users. It will change your life. Drugs rob you of your life, and they rob you of your family and friends. This program has given me my life back. I feel great. I have a clean body and a clear mind. I will achieve my life goals. I have the life skills and the tools to be happy, healthy and successful. I have a new life.

- T.M

I did not realize that I was saying yes that night to just one more demand on my time.  At first, I thought it was just letting me know that I needed a break from all the stress and responsibility.  It took quite a while before I realized that it was actually the opposite, the cocaine was demanding more and more of my time, my mind, my body and my money.

My wife knew something was up but even in her wildest dreams she never suspected cocaine until the day she cleaned out my blazer pocket to get it ready for the dry cleaners.  When she pulled out the white powder, she was honestly shocked.  She came in to the bedroom where I was still sleeping that Saturday morning and admitted that she thought I was having an affair, but she was stunned to find out about the cocaine use.  She told me she would help me with anything and she would accept anything: an illness, me losing my job and working for minimum wage, but she would not tolerate drugs because of our children.

She gave me an ultimatum that Saturday.  On Monday she moved out.  Within a week, my friend who had gotten me started on cocaine had lost his job.  That was an eye opener for me.  I called my wife who was staying at her sister’s house and told her what had happened.  I told her I realized I needed help or I would be next.  My employer was a reputable Fortune 500 company but if I did not get help on my own, they might show me the door as well.

That was four years ago.  When I went into rehab, my wife came home.  We underwent marriage and family counseling as well as sessions to deal with my cocaine addiction.  Those marriage counseling sessions opened up our lines to communication in ways we had never experienced.

Turning to cocaine was wrong.  I do believe my marriage is stronger now, but it would have been nice to have just gone the marriage counseling route and sidestep the cocaine addiction altogether.  Still, I am just grateful we got a second chance at all.

Yes, this was my brother.  This was the guy who had done drugs for the last ten years, who could not hold a job, who had gotten to the point where all he did was sit home and snort crack.  He noticed my ring, the reason why my friends and I were out that day, a celebration of my engagement as we planned the wedding. 

“What?  Stacy, you have been married about six times already, come on.”  My girlfriend, Carla, leaned in and asked “He really doesn’t know you very well to be your brother, does he?”

No, he did not.  My brother had left mentally years ago.  He put drugs ahead of family, he was not there for our mother’s surgery or our father’s funeral.  He only called one of us when he needed money or to be bonded out of jail.  Daryl just could not be bothered by anything except getting his next fix.

He asked when I was getting married and I told him on our dad’s birthday.  He shrugged and hugged me and said, “Call me.”  How could I call someone who did not have a phone?  Who did not ask how our mom was, how the rest of the family was, and who could not even keep himself straight from day to day.

Then he leaned in and whispered that he needed me to take care of his dinner bill.  He left his wallet at home, he claimed.  He handed me the ticket without waiting for an answer and kissed me on the cheek then told his waitress his baby sister was taking care of his tab. 

That is what having a big brother on crack does.  You only see him when he wants something, he tells lies, he can not remember his own little sister has never been married and he hits you up for money one way or the other even if it is not to pay directly for his drugs.

My friends leaned in and hugged me or touched my hand and said “It’s okay.”  A couple of them had family members who had been into drugs and they understood.  They promised to get me through any future storms with my brother if they occurred.   Still, as I watched Daryl walk away and pulled out an extra twenty dollar bill to pay for his lunch, I felt a touch of sadness as I realized that my big brother had probably already forgotten seeing me in just those few minutes.

I guess if I had any advice to give someone who is on drugs it would be to get clean now, especially if you do not have a record because once you get one, it is gonna be hell trying to get a job. My mom gripes that I need one but she does not understand how hard it is to try to get one after the stupid stuff I have done.

About the third or fourth time someone tells you no or you feel a change in their attitude towards you, then you just do not feel like trying again, you know? But I am about to get evicted and I know my mom and dad do not really want me moving back in.

Sure, if I had it to do over again, I would do it differently. But what is more important, the fact that I am honest on my applications or the fact that I made a mistake in the past? Are you telling me that no one else made a mistake, that everyone else is perfect?

So what did I end up having to do? I ended up having to lie. I got a job at a fast food restaurant because when it asked on the application if had ever been convicted of a felony, I marked no. I cook burgers and fries now for a living but hey, at least it is something, you know? I am thirty years old and dealing with teenagers and when I see them messing up, I take them aside and try to explain to them that one of these days they will regret the stupid stuff they are doing but they just laugh, look on me like some old geezer (at 30!) and call me Holy Joe behind my back. Yeah, I have heard them do it.

Trust me, if you do not have a record, go get clean before you end up with something that is going to follow you around the rest of your life. If just one of you kids listens, I will know I did something right and made a difference in at least one person’s life to the good instead of all the damn negative stuff I did over the years. Call me Holy Joe, call me whatever, just think that maybe, this old geezer does know what he is talking about.  You do not want to live the rest of your life in a prison without bars.

I hugged him. I could see by the look in his eyes that he was on something even as we spoke. He went around to everyone and said “That’s my sister, that’s my baby sister.” I excused myself after a bit and went into the office and called our mother. I told her that Scotty was at the Food Mission.

“Can I give him our phone number, Mama?” I asked. She hesitated, wanting to say no because of all the times he had stolen from us over the years. Finally, she said “Of course, he’s family.”

I went back out to the room where we were giving the food and Scotty came up to me. He was jabbering a mile a minute and I could not really understand him. Our Outreach Counselor saw us and came up, asking if there was anything he could do. He could tell Scotty was obviously on something, too. When people came through who were high or drunk, he would try to get them to get help so they did not hurt themselves or anyone else, especially if they were driving.

Scotty again said “This is my baby sister” and stumbled. I said “Scotty, what are you on this time?” He insisted he was fine but there was really no doubt. Then he stumbled again. We got him into a private conference room and I kneeled down next to him. I begged him to get help. “Scotty, you have been on drugs for as long as I can remember. Please get help. I want to know what it is like to have a real big brother. I need you. Mama is sick and I need you.”

Scotty looked into my eyes without blinking. I was praying inside and tears were running down my face. Then he did an amazing thing. He looked at the Outreach Counselor and asked him if he could really get help today. Within an hour my brother was checking into a residential program in our town. I was put down as his next of kin and I visited him during family visitation times and went to the available family therapy sessions.

That was two years ago. Today, Scotty is rebuilding his relationship with his own two children and he volunteers at the same Food Mission I do. We have gotten closer and for the first time in my life, I know what it is like to have a big brother. It’s awesome.

There was a carnie that summer I was crushing on. He was cute but our dad told us to stay clear of him. We only worked the carnival in the summertime and we loved it but we were in school the rest of the year and Dad and Mom were back at work doing their jobs.

The carnie, his name was Dave, talked me and my sister into going into his RV. The other guys were drinking and they had some white powdery stuff. Although we were “carnies”, our parents were quite protective and we did not really know what that was. Still, I wanted to seem cool to Dave so I tried it. My sister, being uncomfortable, slipped away and back to our RV. I had no idea I was on the verge of ending my own journey through life.

That was all I remembered until I woke up the next morning in the hospital. I had taken too much and having never had it before, nearly died from the overdose. I missed seeing Journey up close.

My sister had told my parents what was going on and my dad had rushed over which is why the paramedics and doctors think I made it. We never played at being carnies again after that summer of 79. My dad wanted us to stay home and his enjoyment as a carnie.

I grew up, became a mom and one of my own kids experienced with drugs and was soon addicted. When he came home high one night I told him about how his aunt saved my life the one time I took a hardcore drug. He looked over at his aunt as if to have her verify it. She was in town visiting and staying with us. I think the timing was meant to be.

My son agreed to get help and is doing well now. He has a great job and is getting married soon. However, when I see a carnival or I hear a song on the radio by Journey, my mind goes back to my own journey the summer of 79 and I am grateful that thanks to my sister, I was able to grow up and become a parent.

It is advantageous to youth today that a celebrity will come right out on her own and tell her story despite objections from her label and publicist.  She can perhaps let young people know that no one is perfect, if there is a drug problem seek help from your parents or a counselor.  Honesty from a pop star such as Lady Gaga could help more teenagers by bringing a positive reinforcement to the drug problems of today, letting our young people know they can receive help.

On the other hand, it does seem rather simplistic, the way Lady Gaga states she overcame her cocaine addiction problem.  For those truly immersed in the world of drug addiction, it really isn’t so easy as simply having your parent look at you and say “you’re screwing up” (paraphrased) and then you say to yourself “oh yeah, well I will just stop right now” (again paraphrased).

One also wonders if a cocaine addiction is really and truly over when she openly admits that not only does she drink but she “parties”.  What does that mean in the world of pop culture today?  We hope that double standards do not apply here for the truth is, one has either beaten an addiction or not.  If you “party” meaning you use drugs, then you are not really “clean”, are you?  However, party could mean something entirely different and innocent, such as simply staying up half the night listening to music and talking and dancing with friends without the use of any drugs whatsoever.

So perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt.  If she can present herself as a positive role model status for younger people to fight an addiction problem, then she deserves kudos.  The fact that Lady Gaga openly admits to the cocaine addiction can be a positive step for teens around the world to seek help.  That she is willing to openly speak of it despite what management around her says tells this writer that she may even be material for a book or could make a wonderful spokesperson for those who help young people fight drug addiction.