Drug Addiction Stories & Info

Sometimes I hate myself. I believe everyone is after me, everyone is trying to hurt me. I know it is true. My life sucks and I know God hates me, too. Why can’t I just die? I am such a chicken shit. I can not even commit suicide when I know it would be better for everyone. 

I wrote those words in September, 2007. I felt like I was the worst mom in the world. I had been on and off heroin for most of my life. Every time I tried to get clean, it only lasted for a couple of weeks. My daughter was now living with her dad and wanted nothing to do with me. I thought I finally had the courage to end it one night at I lay on the bed in my second rate motel room. I had gone to the discount store earlier and stocked up on a bunch of sleeping aids and pain relievers with sleep additives. I spent my last dime. I began taking them as a show was airing on the television set.

It was a commercial for a drug treatment place. The strange thing is, I did not recall ever seeing a commercial on television regarding drug rehab before. There was a number and something inside of me made the call. I told them what I had done and they immediately got 911 involved. I was taken to the ER and then admitted.

While I was resting in my hospital room the next day, a stranger walked in. She introduced herself and said she was a counselor at the drug treatment center I had called the night before. She talked to me for a long time and before she left, I agreed to go straight from the hospital the next day into treatment. She spoke with the doctor on call and the nurses and made arrangements to pick me up the following morning.

That was over two years ago. I have been clean ever since. I work as a waitress in a small 24 hour diner and my daughter and I visit regularly. She graduates this year and just yesterday she told me she could not wait. She has great plans for her future and just knowing I am a part of that future because I finally made the right choice is a blessing.

I read that old journal entry every now and then at my NA meetings. Newcomers tell me they feel the same way sometimes. That is why I chose to share my story here. If you are feeling like I did back in September, 2007, there is hope. I thank God every day that I have a second chance with my daughter.