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Posts Tagged ‘alcoholism’

Social Drinking and Alcoholism – When Sobriety is Torture

April 13th, 2013

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April, 12 /2013

 

For a person who is addicted to alcohol and trying to get sober, life can be ultra-challenging to say the least. Alcohol cravings are tough and the addiction is strong but there are enormous environmental factors that make staying sober seem like a constant fight for survival. Needless to say, many who try and stay abstinent from alcohol ultimately fail and return to drinking.

Let’s say that Bob has been drinking for many years, suffered many problems in life due to his use and abuse of alcohol, and has now decided that he must stop drinking for good and leave alcohol behind.

Maybe Bob begins recovery through a detox unit to safely withdraw from the alcohol, without suffering life threatening physical consequences, and attends self-help meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous which were designed to help a person overcome the urge to return to drinking. Regardless of how many meetings he attends or how hard he works to stay strong and resist the constant urge to drink, he may find himself constantly bombarded with enticements to relapse.

If Bob is a sports fan and he attends a sporting event he will undoubtedly face massive ads for alcohol around the stadium and at the concession stand. There may even be concession staff that travel through the aisles with a tray full of hot dogs and beer in case Bob doesn’t want to go to the actual stand.  Unfortunately for Bob, the sporting event that he had planned on attending for enjoyment can ultimately turn into one big painful reminder of how badly he wants to drink.

If Bob decides to go to a concert he will likely encounter the same sort of scenario. He finds alcohol promotion everywhere and often a good majority of the crowd is drinking alcohol around him. Of course this depends on what kind of concert he decides to attend…/

Full - Social Drinking and Alcoholism - article here

 

Neil Hope – Alcoholism – The Darker Side

March 21st, 2012

Drug Addiction Stories   Neil Hope   Alcoholism   The Darker SideThe world was recently shocked and saddened to learn of the death of Degrassi child star Neil Hope – around four years after the event.

Neil Hope, born in Toronto Philip Neil Hope in 1972, died in lodgings of a heart attack related to alcoholism, in November, 2007. Neil was the youngest born into a family with alcoholic parents.

 Children of alcoholic parents find different ways to “cope”. Neil was fortunate in that he was one of those selected for a part in a TV series, with a social message. From the age of 10, Neil became a Canadian actor best known for the character, Wheels, that he played in the long running Degrassi TV series. 

As Wheels, Neil played out the life of a child, in working class Canada, born to alcoholic parents. As Wheels, Neil went through the trauma of his adoptive parents being killed in a car crash, the discovery that his birth mother was dead and that his father had abandoned him.

Wheels drinks alcohol and ends up in jail – having killed and injured pedestrians due to drunk driving. The character Wheels last appeared on TV in 2003.

In real life, the end of the Degrassi series, was for Neil – the end of hope. He neglected to care for himself, took to alcoholism, and died within three years.

For Neil, television had always been a means of escape from the pressures of life in his world. Two alcoholic parents who fought and squabbled, who were emotionally withholding, and lived separate lives, with the children divided between them, both emotionally and physically.

It would seem that any money earned by Neil was used to help support the family.

Before the Degrassi series ended, Neil had come to terms with the issues involved for a child of alcoholic parents.

In 1992, at the age of 19, he spoke out about alcoholism, in series called the Degrassi talks, and also made a documentary entitled The Darker Side, about the effects of parental alcoholism on children.

In an obituary article, in the New York Times, in the year 2012, after Neil’s earlier death had been discovered by his relatives, mention is made of an interview that he had, with entertainment media, in 2005.

In acknowledging that his life had gone pretty much downhill since the end of the Degrassi series, Neil says that he was too immature when the Degrassi series ended -” another season or two – and my life would have maybe been a little different than it is now”.

see article: 

Perhaps, maybe, it is hard to say, but for Neil to have produced his contribution to the Degrassi talks, and to have made the documentary -”The Darker Side”, he would appear to have had wisdom beyond his years, and personal experience of the family dynamics of alcoholism.

In 1992, alcoholism was widely regarded as a disease. There was guilt and shame attached to the “stigma” of alcoholism, that was passed on to the children.

People such as Neil, a child of alcoholic parents, in their interactions with the media, make it fairly clear that alcoholism is not a disease but a problem of family dynamics. 

see article: 

Until very recently, their position has been ignored. Medical science has insisted upon a genetic model for alcoholism that can be potentially treated with drugs, with no exploration of relevant family dynamics.

Ten years ago, when Neil spoke out on behalf of the children of alcoholics, there was little interest. Neil was both a product, and a victim of his times.

The problem for children of alcoholics is that there will have been multiple traumas inflicted, that make the young child feel emotionally confused and conflicted. You might “get it” that you did not cause your parents to be alcoholics, you might get it that it is not your responsibility to have stopped them.

But how much more could you have helped your brothers or sisters, protected, supported your parents, stopped the rows, made some kind of intervention. The list of “could have”s” and “should have’s”is endless for the child forced to take a parental position, making them feel powerless and insignificant.

Ultimately, how worthless and unlovable must you be, that your parents always preferred to drink alcohol, than to care for you.

Good people like Neil Hope, born to alcoholic parents, ultimately suffer from their negative beliefs, and finding that alcohol provides “relief’ – also become alcoholics.

When people die early we often hope to gain some inspiration from their life.

Neil Hope should not be remembered for his alcoholism, nor should he be remembered only as a child actor.

The great achievement of Neil Hope, was the work that he did, perhaps unrecognised at the time, that enables us to see more clearly the plight of children born to alcoholic parents, providing insights that enable us to move forward, in the best treatment of alcoholism, and its effects on young children.

It is sad that Neil died a lonely death, one that many alcoholic’s fear, and that his family did not learn of his death until many years later.

However, there is a positive to this tragedy – fate works in many strange ways. Recent publicity about the untimely death of Neil Hope has also thrust into the media spotlight the work that Neil did, his contribution to the Degrassi talks, and the documentary “The Darker Side”.

A decade on from when these works were first published, we are now more enlightened, and ready to help alcoholics and their families by using comprehensive methods to resolve alcoholism, addiction and the related trauma.

Mother’s Day Reflections

May 7th, 2011

Drug Addiction Stories   Mother’s Day ReflectionsMost of us learn how to be a mother by example. Naturally, as we are growing up, we learn from watching our own mother. How she acts, reacts and generally lives plays a big part in what kind of parent we ultimately become. I, like many others, learned how to be an alcoholic mother. I am not myself an alcoholic. In fact, I have consciously avoided alcohol much of my life because I saw what it did to both of my parents. However, since my mom was an alcoholic, that is the example I had to draw upon when I became a parent.

As an adult, I cannot “blame” my own mother for my parenting mistakes. I can, however, understand how and why I made many of the decisions which affected my parenting. The irrationality that IS alcoholism was a big part of my decision making process as a parent. Interestingly, I made just as many  mistakes trying not to be like my own mother.

I must point out that my own mother was a success in many ways. She was a financial genius. She was also brilliant when it came to investments, and was a top notch bookkeeper for some very influential people. So, in many ways, she was a very unique person, especially given the fact that she was indeed an alcoholic. I never want anyone to think of my mother as a “bad” person. She just had one very bad practice, and that was substance abuse. Sadly, that is something I simply could not understand as a child. She was just “Mom”.

That being said… it was the basis of many decisions I made and actions I took being a parent. I learned to over-react, disassociate and continue the dysfunction. I learned to avoid confrontation, which is something my mother thrived on. As a result, I never learned how to effectively communicate with my own children. Again, my mother’s influence also had a positive affect in that I did learn how to communicate with outsiders and business people… just not family.

My mother loved her children. Of that, I have no doubt. I didn’t think she did when I was younger, but I am wiser now and understand much more. By the same respect, I know that my own children have suffered as an ultimate result of alcoholism. I loved (and love) my children, some of whom are grown, with all of my heart. I guess I just wasn’t very good at showing them many times. I did try, however, to hug and otherwise show affection to them, which was lacking in my own mother/daughter relationship.

I don’t blame my mother. I do, however, to some extent blame alcohol and drugs. My mother was an alcoholic who also was very fond of codeine. I can still remember that huge bottle of codeine being in our linen closet next to the bathroom. Back then, the dangers of codeine were not as well known, and it was very easy to obtain. I also remember that my parents had a “beer refrigerator”. They had a separate refrigerator for their alcohol. Of course, when I was young, I didn’t realize that was odd.

Physically and mentally, I believe I have many signs of being the child of an alcoholic. I was the youngest, and evidence points to the fact that my mother drank throughout her pregnancy with me. Doctors and Psychiatrists have gone over with me how that ultimately effected my brain development. Back when I was young, however, there was no ADHD or other conditions. One was either normal, or different. I was “different”. Many have also told me that the youngest child of two alcoholics often becomes a psychotic. Thankfully, that is not what happened with me. Thankfully, I also did not become an alcoholic, a fate which has already begun to affect more than one of my children.

I’ve long since forgiven my mother, who is now deceased. I understand much more about alcoholism and drug addiction, and have done a lot of reflection and investigation into my own actions and feelings. Alcoholism has greatly affected me, and my family. I can’t use that as an excuse to justify my own mistakes, but it helps to understand them. One of my own daughters is now a Mother. I worry how alcoholism will interfere with her parenting.
If wishes were rainbows, the world would be beautiful. However, the realities are that wishes don’t change much. I wish my own mother had gotten rehab at some point in her life. I wish I had gotten help with dealing with being a child of two alcoholics. I wish I had done a lot of things differently with my own children. What I CAN do is forgive, which I have done. I can also educate myself and others on the dangers of alcoholism and how it affects families. I can apologize to my own children, and try to explain. Actions do speak louder than words. Sadly, substance abuse is an action that far too many parents choose.

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These reflexions from a mother was brought to you by Narconon. To know more about Narconon and what it is doing to help resolve the drug problem in our society, please visit narconon.org.

If you need help to beat a drug or alcohol addiction, please call 1-877-782-7409 to learn what are your different recovery options.

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