Paula’s Gift
Paula was the oldest of the five of us had always been a little different from the rest of us. She got into drugs while still in high school. We watched our parents get her out of situation after situation, everything from going to jail to accidental overdoses to relationships with guys. Each time she fell apart they would pick up the pieces.
I found myself getting aggravated with Paula’s antics as we got older. I had goals for my life and they did not include bailing her out and rushing to her aid in the middle of the night. One evening we had a particularly harsh conversation, much like the one I was witnessing between my neighbor and her brother. I called Paula a nut-case and told her the family did not exist solely to take care of her and her mess-ups. She was my older sister and I was embarrassed that she had no common sense.
Just three days later, Paula either accidentally or purposely overdosed on drugs. She called our parents and told them what she had done only it was too late when help arrived. She told them on the phone that she could never see herself getting her life straightened out. She just wanted to end it but that if she could get help one last time she would stop. My parents drove quickly over there while callling 911 from a cell phone. To this day I feel bad about chewing her out but my time in therapy after her suicide helped me to understand I was having a normal reaction that day long ago.
My neighbor and her brother looked at each at each other. She was crying and he looked like someone had just awaken him from a bad dream. He walked over to her and kneeled down and said he would get help. He told her that he never wanted her to get a call after an argument between them due to drugs.
I helped them get in touch with a drug treatment center. Just the other day, I got a card from her brother telling me thanks because he had been clean for six months. I smiled and in my heart thanked Paula for helping me to help another brother/sister relationship. I know she was there in spirit, too, and that it was Paula’s gift to me as well as to them.
