Drug Addiction Stories

Even today I hear the whispers as I entered the classroom that morning.  It was 8^th grade and I had spent the summer with my cousins.  I had “blossomed” as we said back then.  By lunchtime, the whispers and giggles were no longer hidden as the girls glared at me and one of the more obnoxious boys came up to me and flat out said “So Dianne, where did you get the falsies?”  Without hesitation, I lifted my t-shirt and asked “Do these look fake to you?” 

That began three years of hell that I have not forgotten to this day.  I dreaded going to school but with both my parents working 12 hour shifts at the local factory, I did not want to burden them with my problems at school.  They let us know enough that we were burdens as it was, me and my two younger brothers. 

It was just a few weeks after school started that another girl, another “outcast” stopped by my locker and asked if I wanted to hang out some time.  That was how I got introduced to pot.  I loved how it made me feel able to drift away from the teasing at school.  During high school, we got into cocaine. I did my best to try to hide my figure and getting hooked on drugs helped me stay skinny but it didn’t hide certain attributes. 

I got clean when my aunt came to stay with us after her husband died.  She was alone as they had never had children and it did not take long for her to figure out what was going on, even though her brother (my dad) and sister-in-law were clueless to what had been going on. 

My aunt saved me in two ways.  She helped me clean up my act and get off drugs, but she also showed me what going to bat for someone means.  She had come to school to pick me up for a “girl’s day out” when classes were over and that same, obnoxious boy from the falsies statement three years earlier was making remarks about me again, only he had gotten louder and meaner over the years. 

Without batting an eye, my aunt looked at him and smiled.  “Are you Jerry B’s son?”  He nodded yes.  “I thought so.  He used to tease me all the time, too.  In fact, I remember the note he gave me asking me to go to the drive-in with him.  I turned him down flat.  You are definitely your father’s son, teasing the girl you are crushing on.  Just like your father, you are going about it all wrong.  She doesn’t date jerks, either.” 

The other kids laughed and he turned red.  Sure enough, he did end up asking me to prom a year later.  I said no without hesitation.  They say boys tease girls they like?  All I got out of remembering those years is how he acted that day in 8^th grade and a drug addiction that could have ended everything for me if not for the love and caring of my aunt.  Today, I am happily married with two daughters about to start junior high.  I am very actively involved in their lives.  I’m not going to let them be bullied by some boy who doesn’t know how to express himself in a positive way.  I heard the boy from my own adolescent years just had his third wife file for divorce.  Seems the girl I was back then got the better end of the deal after all.

I sat watching him as the monitors kept tabs on his vitals and his breathing. I had not seen him in four years when my mother got the call two nights earlier and I heard her cry out “Oh no!” My father was in the hospital, in ICU, and he was not expected to live. I was 17 and had not seen him since the week after my 13^th birthday.

My father was deeply enmeshed in cocaine, marijuana, heroin, whatever he could get when he could get it. My mother admitted that both of them had been on drugs in high school and during the early years of their marriage, but a wake up call when Child Protective Services took me and my older brother away from them did just that. It woke her up, she got clean and has been the greatest mom ever since.

My father couldn’t let go and my mom finally told him that he had to choose. Unfortunately, his choice was not us. Still, before he disappeared out of our lives, he did one thing right that my mother made sure me and my brother knew about.

My father was an only child and his parents’ home was left to him. He signed it over to my brother and me in trust so that we would always have a home.

Now, I sat there with tears running down my face. Before me, two parents who had each made opposite decisions. My mother chose me and my brother. My father chose a life of drugs even though he did do a wonderful thing for us by leaving us the family home. Still, there were times when I would have gladly lived in an apartment if I could only have my dad.

My mother has always been honest with me and my brother. She tells us that being addicted to drugs is hard to get over. Even now, she occasionally has to go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting when life gets stressful. I knew she would be going over the next few weeks for sure. My brother and I also went from time to time to the support group for family members of those addicted to drugs or alcohol.

The doctor came in and told us that there really wasn’t any hope. Everything had shut down and my father was breathing only with the help of life support. The three of us had discussed this and agreed to let my father go in peace. We all hugged and kissed him one last time.

I have learned that drugs affect everyone, not just the person doing them. As I hug my own four year old daughter, I have wished many times that my father could see her and my niece and nephew. I have learned from both of my parents and, while we learned that kids can often follow in their parents’ path, my brother and I made a pact with others in our support group to not fall into that pattern.

In the end, my father gave me two lessons, one in love and one in life. He gave us a home but he took himself away.

I woke up this morning to news of a deadly shooting spree. It took me back to a few years ago when I lived in New York. To the night when my friends and I were so messed up on cocaine. To the night when we decided to go flirt with some guys down at the corner bar. 

We walked in and looked around for them. We were so messed up and giggly and stumbling around. Then it seemed like everyone was pointing at us. Suddenly, I heard gun shots and people screaming. It seemed like it was all in slow motion. I turned around and saw a guy in a mask pointing a gun at us. He shot it just as he fell backwards, from what I later learned was a gun kept behind the counter and used by one of the bartenders.

My best friend fell down. I looked at her, not believing she was gone. She was. My other friend grabbed a couple of drinks from the bar and splashed us both so it would seem as if we were drinking. The cops bought it. They could tell everyone was shaken up in the bar.

I called my parents later that night and they drove from New Hampshire the next morning to get me. They took one look at me and they could tell. I was not the same Tania they knew. Before the sun was down I was in a residential drug treatment program. Not only did I get clean, the counselors there helped me to get through some of the trauma I had gone through that night at the bar when my best friend died.

I am doing better these days. I moved down south near my cousin and went to work at the company she works for. Still, when I wake up to news of a shooting spree like I did this morning, it brings it all back. I picked up my cell phone and called a friend in my NA group. She listened for a bit. It helped. I went to work and then went to a meeting right afterwards.

There, I can pull out the picture I keep in my wallet of me and Angie. I can show them and they know, many of them having lost someone. See, I feel like I lost my best friend not just through a shooting spree, but also because we were messed up on coke that night and wandered down to the corner bar. Maybe if we hadn’t been on drugs, we would have been at the movies or a party or somewhere else and she would be here today.

It’s still on the news, having only happened this morning. But with the help of the meeting and my sponsor, I am able to get through it. My heart goes out to those who are starting a nightmare of deja vu I live nearly every day, a nightmare that Angie did not survive.