I remember the day I found it. I was driving across the country, making a fresh start. Breaking up with the man I was suppose to marry in just a week wasn’t the reason for my move. I could have handled living in the same town. The fact that his new girlfriend was my cousin? That hurt. After driving for hours, I checked in to a cheap motel to get some sleep. I was planning to move to Florida. My best friend lived there. She was married to a military guy and he was set to go on temporary duty for three months. She said I could stay with her while looking for a job and an apartment.
I recognized the white powder for what it was: cocaine. I knew because that was what my cousin’s brother had died from, a cocaine overdose. Did that give her an excuse every time she went after something she wanted? I didn’t think so. She used it, though, even telling me I could find someone else because Mark understood her and everything she had been through.
What to do, though, about the powder I found. Do I turn it in at the front desk? Do I call the police? Do I get involved? I had slept for a few hours but arguing in the room next to mine woke me up about 4 in the morning. Thirsty, I had grabbed one of the plastic cups, accidentally knocking the small ice bucket off the counter. The powder was underneath it.
My cousin was a few years older than me. He had never really been into drugs. He was a great kid. But one night he partied with some friends after his team won the regional championship and he gave in to peer pressure. He drank some beer and when the cocaine was introduced to the party and passed around, he went for it. He died before morning from an accidental overdose.
Yes, my cousin had been through a lot. She lost her beloved brother. She saw her parents divorce and her mother slip into a depression. I looked at that white powder and quickly made the decision to flush it down the toilet. I know kids die every day from drugs. No one was going to die because of the powder I held in my hands.
I grabbed my things and checked out immediately. That afternoon, I arrived at my best friend’s house. My new life was just beginning.
I have been on cocaine for years. I was married for sixteen and my husband got high with me, but then he cleaned up. He wanted a divorce because I would not get clean with him. We had two kids, a daughter 15 and a son 12. We were both fighting for custody. One night my daughter was injured in a car accident while out with friends. She lost a lot of blood and we both donated to help her. We found out that night that my husband was not her father.
That meant one thing. Our cocaine dealer from back then was her father. I tried to find him only to find out that he was dead. He had died four years earlier from an overdose. My ex told me he still wanted her, he wanted both of them. Then he asked me if I really wanted to keep going the way I was until she was essentially biologically an orphan. That was my wake up call.
I went into a residential treatment program. My ex came to a session once with me and told me with the counselor sitting there that he did not condemn me as we had both been on cocaine. The blessing of our daughter far exceeded how she truly got here. Yet he got clean and he insisted that our children also deserved a mother who was clean.
I was in the residential program for three months. It was hard but after I detoxed I began to understand what I had done not only to myself, but to my children. They never invited their friends over because they were embarrassed and now that I was clean, I understood that and didn’t blame them for feeling that way.
I am in aftercare now and I attend my meetings regularly. I have a job making minimum wage at a fast-food restaurant but I have barely worked my entire life so that is a blessing.
My ex still has the kids. I get them every other weekend and we are slowly re-connecting. We decided to tell our daughter about the past and instead of hating us, she has been really mature. Her father assured her she would always be his baby girl. I told her the dealer who was her biological father had died and she has no interest in finding out anything about him. Her daddy will always be her daddy to her.
Although we are divorced and will never get back together, my ex and I have maintained a friendship through which we care for our children. They live with him and I maintain a small one-bedroom apartment, but they come to visit and I am grateful that we all have been given a second chance at life and as a family.
Lady Gaga is a pop star quite popular in the UK with some of her songs reaching number one. She has a life of celebrity status and a story common to quite a few in the music world. She has a history of cocaine addiction by her own admission.
It is advantageous to youth today that a celebrity will come right out on her own and tell her story despite objections from her label and publicist. She can perhaps let young people know that no one is perfect, if there is a drug problem seek help from your parents or a counselor. Honesty from a pop star such as Lady Gaga could help more teenagers by bringing a positive reinforcement to the drug problems of today, letting our young people know they can receive help.
On the other hand, it does seem rather simplistic, the way Lady Gaga states she overcame her cocaine addiction problem. For those truly immersed in the world of drug addiction, it really isn’t so easy as simply having your parent look at you and say “you’re screwing up” (paraphrased) and then you say to yourself “oh yeah, well I will just stop right now” (again paraphrased).
One also wonders if a cocaine addiction is really and truly over when she openly admits that not only does she drink but she “parties”. What does that mean in the world of pop culture today? We hope that double standards do not apply here for the truth is, one has either beaten an addiction or not. If you “party” meaning you use drugs, then you are not really “clean”, are you? However, party could mean something entirely different and innocent, such as simply staying up half the night listening to music and talking and dancing with friends without the use of any drugs whatsoever.
So perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt. If she can present herself as a positive role model status for younger people to fight an addiction problem, then she deserves kudos. The fact that Lady Gaga openly admits to the cocaine addiction can be a positive step for teens around the world to seek help. That she is willing to openly speak of it despite what management around her says tells this writer that she may even be material for a book or could make a wonderful spokesperson for those who help young people fight drug addiction.
I remember the day I found it. I was driving across the country, making a fresh start. Breaking up with the man I was suppose to marry in just a week wasn’t the reason for my move. I could have handled living in the same town. The fact that his new girlfriend was my cousin? That hurt. After driving for hours, I checked in to a cheap motel to get some sleep. I was planning to move to Florida. My best friend lived there. She was married to a military guy and he was set to go on temporary duty for three months. She said I could stay with her while looking for a job and an apartment.