Drug Addiction Stories & Info

I read a couple of the posts on here about losing mothers and I would like to tell you my story if that is okay. My mother needed a kidney transplant. No one matched her and her doctor thought it was going to be rough getting one. Why? Because she wouldn’t stop smoking and she liked to drink.

 My best friend’s mother, Ms. Shelby, got tested without telling any of us. When the doctor said she was a match, she told us. We were all thrilled. She went through the psychological counseling and was declared mentally sound. It really looked like it was going to happen.

Then my mother and her were called in to the doctor’s office. We figured they were setting up the surgery date. My best friend and I waited out in the waiting room with a couple of our family members. When my mom and Ms. Shelby came out, though, Ms. Shelby was crying. The doctor had told them that my mother was not approved because of her lifestyle. They would not take an organ away from a healthy person if the person receiving the organ refused to stop doing things that were not good for him or her.

Ms. Shelby protested that the decision was hers to make and she did not have a problem with it but the doctor said it would not be approved so his hands were tied. My mother turned to her in the waiting room and thanked her. “But I wasn’t able to do it” Ms. Shelby said. “It doesn’t matter. The fact that you offered means everything.”

I had never known my dad and my mom was the only family I had. A few months later she got really sick and didn’t come out of it. I went to live with my best friend and her mother. Ms. Shelby couldn’t save my mom but she she could and did take me when my mother was too sick to care for me.  Ms. Shelby promised my mother she would always be there for me and she has been.

Mother’s Day is coming next month. I’ll be going out to the cemetery to take my mother some flowers and I will be giving Ms. Shelby a card. In my mind and in my heart, I have two mothers.

I don’t smoke and I don’t drink. I don’t want to put the children I might have someday in the position that my mother had me in. She was hooked on tobacco and alcohol and I know she loved me, she just loved those vices, too.

One night, I thought about smoking and drinking but Ms. Shelby talked me through it. She said anytime I needed to talk, she would be there to listen. She told me my mother loved me very much and would be proud of me for learning from her mistakes. Seeing it from that point of view made it easier.

Thank you for putting these stories up. Knowing I am not the only one who lost a mother doesn’t make it easier for me or you but it helps knowing I’m not alone.

Sometimes I look back over that time and I cry. I remember Janelle and to this day I feel like I failed her. I even get angry, at her, at myself and at the people who make decisions about who can and can not get a donor transplant. 

I met Janelle through my daughter. She was the aunt of one of my daughter’s friends. Because Janelle and her brother had both been adopted by their parents, there were no DNA matches in the family when Janelle’s kidneys failed. My daughter came home upset because her friend’s aunt was in the hospital. She was close to Janelle because she lived in the house with my daughter’s friend and her family.

When the idea first occurred to me, I thought about it long and hard. Then I talked to my doctor. I was healthy and I could donate a kidney if I matched Janelle. It turned out that I did. I then went through the process of the mental evaluation and passed it. We were all delighted that I matched, although my daughter was a bit concerned. Still, I reassured her that I was healthy enough to do this.

It never happened. Why? Because Janelle was turned down. Her kidney failure was due to drug and alcohol use. It turned out that she was still drinking and heroin was found in her system during a blood test. The transplant was denied. A few months later, Janelle passed away.

Her niece and my daughter were heartbroken. Even as a supposedly mature adult, I did not understand why she was turned down when the decision was mine because of her being who she was. I had long been a registered organ donor. This would have helped someone loved by my daughter’s friend.

I felt like I had failed Janelle. I even felt like she had failed in this. In the end, though, I knew I could not continue to dwell on it. I do what I can just as I always have, I donate blood and plasma as needed, I volunteer in my community and I keep my organ donation registration updated every time I re-do my driver’s license.

Still, once in a while, I think about Janelle and I have talked openly and honestly with my daughter about the long term effects of drugs and alcohol. She seems to be a well-adjusted young lady and she proved it the other day when she told me she knew I had tried to help her friend’s aunt and for that, she loved me even more. Then she told me that the two of them had made a pact to never get involved with drugs or alcohol no matter what the occasion or what type of peer pressure they came in contact with.

I whispered in my heart to Janelle that she was a hero in all of this because in the end, she had given her niece and my daughter both a priceless gift in their decision. For that, I will always be thankful to Janelle.