Drug Addiction Stories & Info

I woke up this morning to news of a deadly shooting spree. It took me back to a few years ago when I lived in New York. To the night when my friends and I were so messed up on cocaine. To the night when we decided to go flirt with some guys down at the corner bar. 

We walked in and looked around for them. We were so messed up and giggly and stumbling around. Then it seemed like everyone was pointing at us. Suddenly, I heard gun shots and people screaming. It seemed like it was all in slow motion. I turned around and saw a guy in a mask pointing a gun at us. He shot it just as he fell backwards, from what I later learned was a gun kept behind the counter and used by one of the bartenders.

My best friend fell down. I looked at her, not believing she was gone. She was. My other friend grabbed a couple of drinks from the bar and splashed us both so it would seem as if we were drinking. The cops bought it. They could tell everyone was shaken up in the bar.

I called my parents later that night and they drove from New Hampshire the next morning to get me. They took one look at me and they could tell. I was not the same Tania they knew. Before the sun was down I was in a residential drug treatment program. Not only did I get clean, the counselors there helped me to get through some of the trauma I had gone through that night at the bar when my best friend died.

I am doing better these days. I moved down south near my cousin and went to work at the company she works for. Still, when I wake up to news of a shooting spree like I did this morning, it brings it all back. I picked up my cell phone and called a friend in my NA group. She listened for a bit. It helped. I went to work and then went to a meeting right afterwards.

There, I can pull out the picture I keep in my wallet of me and Angie. I can show them and they know, many of them having lost someone. See, I feel like I lost my best friend not just through a shooting spree, but also because we were messed up on coke that night and wandered down to the corner bar. Maybe if we hadn’t been on drugs, we would have been at the movies or a party or somewhere else and she would be here today.

It’s still on the news, having only happened this morning. But with the help of the meeting and my sponsor, I am able to get through it. My heart goes out to those who are starting a nightmare of deja vu I live nearly every day, a nightmare that Angie did not survive.

I remember being a little girl and my mom coming by and spending an hour with me at my grandpa’s house in Tennessee. She promised she would come get me some day but she never did. She was always out getting high and when she did come by, there was always someone new with her. When my grandpa passed away I thought she would come get me then but instead I went to live with my uncle and his wife in Kentucky. My mom did not even make it to the funeral. I remember I cried as much over that as over my grandpa.

I remember being a teenager and hanging out with my friends after the game. I boy I liked asked if I wanted to walk down by the lake with him. I said yes. We walked down there and he offered me a beer. Then he asked me if I wanted to get high. I said no. I remember my crush on him went away after that.

I remember high school graduation. My uncle and my aunt were there. Even though I had not heard from her in years, I looked out over the audience to see if my mom was there. I remember being upset that she did not care.

I remember college and my first job over the summer as an intern. I told my uncle I wanted to hire a private investigator to look for my mom. My uncle said he would take care of it. She was his little sister and he was worried, too. I remember telling him I loved him and was glad he was my uncle.

I remember when the report came in. My mother’s picture matched an old Jane Doe file out in California. They requested DNA from my uncle and myself and it was a match. My mom had been dead of an overdose since about a week before my grandpa’s service. I remember my uncle holding me.

I remember feeling I now had closure because I know what happened to my mom. I also remember the years I felt abandoned. My uncle set me up with counseling and I am doing better but I do not know if I ever want to have kids. I do not like being around anyone who gets high and yet I know some of them are absolutely wonderful people who just stumbled a bit. To this day, if someone asks me if I want to smoke a joint or “party”, I remember my mom and I say no.

Most people look forward to New Year’s. I look on it as a reminder of a major wakeup call. It was New Year’s Eve, 2007. I was 17 and enjoying my senior year. College, work, the military, one of them loomed ahead but I did not care that night. It was all about party time then 

My girlfriend Amanda came up to me and started goofing off with a permanent marker, laughing that she was staking her territory. She wrote her name on my chest close to my heart. Then just as I thought she was going to lean in to kiss me, she began throwing up. We helped her over to the couch where she promptly passed out. 

Everyone laughed but after a little bit I went to check on her. She did not look like she was breathing. I yelled for my buddies and her friends to come quick. Daniel was in ROTC and started CPR. Amber called 911. We were still trying to get her to breathe when they pulled up. They immediately went to work on her and when one of the paramedics yelled “She’s breathing!” we all looked at each other with relief.

The cops had showed up also and we were all reprimanded and our names taken. My uncle came and got me and we drove immediately to the hospital. Amanda was in ICU. She stayed there for several days. The doctor said she had alcohol poisoning but would pull through. He said she was very lucky as many teens die from alcohol poisoning every year.

Amanda and I parted ways after high school but really, things had never been right between us after that night. I thought about how close she came to dying. Each time we tried to talk about it, it felt like she was accusing me and our friends yet we went into action immediately after we noticed she was not breathing. It had been a wakeup call for all of us.

I got a job working for my uncle at his repair shop. I plan to start college next year. The last couple of years since I finished high school have been different than I planned. I have lost touch with some of my friends I used to party with and my uncle said I have really matured. I am thankful every day that Amanda is okay and I am grateful for my own wakeup call that night.