I hated school. I felt like I never fit in. I just wanted to hide. I went to a school in a small town about ten miles outside of the city but did not hang out with anyone. I made a few friends in the city at the skating rink and that was where I liked being the most. One Friday evening after a harder week than usual at school with the kids putting me down, I went around the side of the skating rink to the alley where everyone smoked cigarettes. It was there that I got high for the first time.
Being sixteen, I was finally able to go to work in the city and began spending every penny I had on getting high and skating. I was able to forget for a little while just how much I hated school and my fellow students. Then one day my mom found out and took my car away and made me stop working and grounded me from going into the city to the skating rink.
I was devastated. I wanted to skate, I wanted to get high, I wanted to forget. It was then that the suicidal thoughts started coming into my head. As the other girls made fun of me behind my back, as the boys laughed at me as I walked by, I knew I could not take much more.
One Friday morning, I woke up, determined that this would be my last day. I had no friends at school, I had lost my privileges of going into the city and skating and to me there was simply no reason to keep living. Then the most amazing thing happened.
One of the girls came up to me after the others were doing their usual snickering and insulting. She smiled at me, looked me in the eye and said “Hi, Stephanie, have a great day” and gave me a high-five and walked away. At lunch she invited me to sit with her and her friends. After a bit of awkwardness, the other girls warmed up and when they found out I loved skating, they invited me to go to a skating rink that was in a different neighborhood than the one I went to downtown in the city. I began skating with them on the weekends and stayed away from pot after that, thanks largely in part to Lisa’s (that was her name) encouragement that I could do without it.
Lisa never realized that she literally saved my life that day twenty years ago. I was too scared to tell her back then, afraid she might think I was a freak after all. It wasn’t until a few months ago when I ran into her at church that I finally confessed what she really did for me.
We moved to Arizona when I was thirteen. I hated leaving my old school but my dad was in the military and when he gets orders, we move. I did not know anyone but eventually became friends with a guy down the street. We began hanging out at the basketball court and the base pool over that summer and eventually I started looking forward to school in the fall.
One night he told me he knew where we could get something. I asked what and he said, “You’re kidding, right?” Not wanting to seem like a baby, I said “Yeah, dude, just messing with you.” We went over to a friend of his who’s mom was out partying that night and I got high for the first time. My anxiety about a new school and making new friends disappeared.
Over the next couple of years, my grades were acceptable but not at the point they had been. My dad kept telling me I could do better. My mom offered to get me a tutor. I just wanted to get high.
Then one night as we were riding around, my buddy having just got his license, we got stopped by the local cops. They could sense something funny about my friend and searched the car, finding the pot we had just bought. They arrested us and called our parents.
That was three years ago. My parents were really disappointed in me but they stood by me. They insisted I take responsibility and they got me into a drug treatment program. My dad ended up retiring this year and we have settled into the community.
I just started my freshman year of college and I also help at the drug rehab center my parents took me to three years ago. I am interested in becoming a counselor and helping other kids who find themselves where I was as a teenager. The counselors there seemed to understand and did not put me down while at the same time not letting me use excuses. When we get into drugs, we need to take responsibility.
I heard horror stories of kids who’s parents turned their backs on them or were into drugs themselves. I was thankful even more that my parents were there for me, and it made me want to help those who did not have a strong family unit like I did. My parents are both supporting me in my career of choice and my mom thinks I am going to make a great counselor.
Along with the pot, the acid, the cocaine and the alcohol, Roy decided he’d try his luck with downers to help him sleep. “Ludes” were his downer of choice, if I recall. The supply of drugs was never ending so it wasn’t like Roy ever had to come down from a high. If he did, everyone knew about it. Sometimes he would be sent on an errand that would take several hours. When he came back, you could see by the look on his face that he was not to be messed with. He would immediately go into Ma’s room and get his fill of drugs.
Along with the pot, the acid, the cocaine and the alcohol, Roy decided he’d try his luck with downers to help him sleep.
It was just one huge party. One long, never ending party. It was taking its toll on Roy, however. He was getting so thin and he just didn’t look healthy. He didn’t look like Roy. He began to experience pain in his abdomen and I later found out he was losing blood. It’s funny how no one really said anything to him about it. People cared, but never really said anything.
It was about that time I left Ma’s house. I would come back on occasion. Sometimes to party, other times just to visit. It was then that I noticed just how awful Roy looked. I barely recognized him. I would sit with him and tell him he really needed to get help. Not only was his mind deteriorating but his body was suffering as well. Even though I was probably the one person Roy would listen to, he still resisted. After all, he was still living there and still living a 24/7 party.
The Roy began passing out. No one knew if it was from the drugs or from loss of blood but it became more and more frequent. Well fate stepped in one day when Roy passed out and wouldn’t come to. An ambulance was called and now Roy didn’t really have a choice but to listen. He was in bad shape. When I went to see him, they were talking contacting his family to come up there. It was turning out not to be such a great party after all for Roy. I stayed with him until his family came and then I only went up once a day to check on him.
I was never sure what to say.
“Hi, I used to party all of the time with your son, who now lies dying.”
No, that wouldn’t do…
I hated school. I felt like I never fit in. I just wanted to hide. I went to a school in a small town about ten miles outside of the city but did not hang out with anyone. I made a few friends in the city at the skating rink and that was where I liked being the most. One Friday evening after a harder week than usual at school with the kids putting me down, I went around the side of the skating rink to the alley where everyone smoked cigarettes. It was there that I got high for the first time.
