Drug Addiction Stories & Info

When I came home from Iraq, I did not know what to do.  I was on some pretty heavy pain relievers for my injuries.  I came home to a mom and a younger brother who wanted to do anything they could for me.  It looked like I would be getting a medical discharge.  I hoped not as  I wanted to make a career out of the Army.

I got depressed when the medical discharge came through.  I wanted to fight it, but the doctors said they would not sign off on returning me to active duty.  I began taking the pain relievers more than I should, but they were helping me to forget, at least for a little while until they wore off again.

My mom catered to me.  She tried to make me comfortable and do things for me but I just yelled at her to leave me alone.  She tried to approach me about the prescription medication I was taking when she figured out I was taking too much.  I told her to mind her own business.  I had never talked to my mom like that as a kid and I know she was confused and hurt, but I was too busy trying to figure out how to keep the medication coming and feeling sorry for myself.

Most of my wounds healed, but the memories didn’t.  I found myself feeling more and more sorry for myself and thinking everything was all about me.  Every time my mom tried to get me to do something I would just tell her to leave me alone.  One day she told me I needed to get on with my life because I had survived for a reason.  Then I did the unthinkable.  I hit my mom.  I did not intend to and I never would have thought it was possible, but I just wanted to be left alone in my medication-endorsed misery.

My younger brother jumped up and got between us.  He had gotten taller than me over the last year or so.  He looked me in the eye and said “I love you, but you will never touch our mom again, do you understand me?  You will get help today or you will leave.  Now be the man I know you are and let’s get you some help.  I want my brother back.”

As our roles reversed that day, I found a new hero. My brother saved my life, my self-respect and my relationship with both him and our mom.

It wasn’t even my prescription. A friend asked me if I’d ever tried Oxycontin. I told her no and asked her what it was. She said it was a pain pill and gave an incredible high. I really didn’t hesitate to try it. After all, it was only going to be once, what was the big deal? She told me to chew it and not swallow it whole. Within just a couple of minutes I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. So warm, tingly, high and content. I felt so relaxed and yet so aware. Soon after that high hit, I knew I was going to want more of this stuff.

That’s how it started. I began slowly; only taking one or two pills a day. Then I had to up the dosage because I just wasn’t feeling the same great high I did the first few times. Then I went from once a day, to twice a day, to so many times I lost count. Once I had gotten past 3 pills a day, my friend started charging me for them. After all, I guess she had to buy them too. At first, I thought I could control it. When I started wanting to increase the number of pills, I started to wonder how I was going to pay for them. That wasn’t easy since I was getting really sick of my job. I’d rather be high and enjoying it than working anyway.

Somewhere along the line I did lose my job because I was missing so much work. It really bothered me but all I had to do was take a hit of Oxy and everything would be fine. Money started to become a real issue, though. I couldn’t pay the bills and I wasn’t working and most importantly, I needed my Oxycontin. That’s when I first decided to start having male “friends” over. They were decent enough guys, so it was really no big deal. The thing is, that made me enough for my fix but not enough for everything else. Hey, when you can have a fantastic high, who needs anything else? I moved out of that house and just got one of those little sleeping rooms. Next thing I had to do was get the word out about my “services”. I wasn’t really a hooker. I mean, I wasn’t walking the streets or anything.

I remember that night so clearly when I felt so lonely in the world. I went to the discount store and bought three bottles of pain relievers, which had a warning label mentioning they could be fatal and could cause liver damage.  I was not really worried about liver damage since I planned for them to be fatal.

My daughter was a teenager and her father offered her money and a car, things I had to work hard to have for us, furthermore she mention me she wanted to live with him.  It hurt but I was willing to give it a try.  Somehow, though, I ended up losing her in all of that.

Looking back, I know it was her feeling bad about making that decision.  Still, that time was so hard as well as I felt alone and ashamed.  How could this have happened? How did I lose my beautiful precious baby girl when I had thought I was such a good mother?

I began taking the pills because I could not stand the pain of being alone.  For sixteen years I had been a mother and now I felt suddenly lost and alone.  She kept making excuses not to see me till finally she told me she did not want to see me anymore, period.  I thought I had nothing else to live for and consequently I took nearly the entire first bottle and was preparing to open another one.

Definitely I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, but then I realized that if I did that, I would be losing all chances of ever having another day with her or even worse, I would be leaving her a problem she did not deserve: guilt over her mother’s suicide.  I picked up the phone and dialled 911 and told the operator what I had done.

The paramedics saved my life that night, but on the other hand I secretly began taking overdoses on a regular basis. Finally I made the decision to call a drug addiction rehab and thanks to their help I have been free of my acetaminophen addiction for two years now.  I do have some liver damage but I learn how to take care of myself and I know I was really luckier than a lot of people are.  The treatment program not only helped me overcome my acetaminophen addiction, but also helped me to get counselling for other areas of my life as well.

Today my daughter and I talk on the phone and she is starting college. I would have missed out on so much if I had ended it all that night two and a half years ago.  I am grateful for everything.